Blueheart and the Giant Spider

THE DISCOVERY OF SHERABAS A Legendary Knight and an Infamous Spider scribed by Alcestis

All know of the legendary Blueheart, within who's protective arms the guild lay for many a year. Many men's reputations grow - often becoming even larger than the men they come from. But Blueheart was a man who's character was always as large as his reputation. Few know from where he came, just that he was always here, unchanging, impossible to predict.

It was summer, many years ago, when the greatest of knights received word of a cunning and evil spider which lurked in the murky depths of the Windswept Tower. Snoozing quietly at his desk one bright morning, a cloak of defence covering his face, the great one was disturbed by the sound of running feet towards his chambers. The feet screeched to a halt outside his oaken door, and a respectful knocking caused him to kick off his slippers, remove the cloak, and boom regally:

'In the name of Light, what the bloody hell is it now?'

The door inched open, and a nervous page peeked in.

'My Lord, grave news from the Wizards! They have found evidence of a most terrible and powerful spider! One..Sherabas, who terrorizes the Tower, killing all she encounters with one fatal bite!'

The mighty one opened an eye, heavily bloodshot from...overwork, and grunted irritably.

'Can the wizards not deal with such an insect? Surely this is a job for their collective ego?'

'Umm.. spiders are arachnids, m'Lord. And anyway, Sherabas is a giant, with many underlings. The wizards have tried magic, but it doesn't affect her, and even now, their two finest are being attended by Doctor Sirion, for nasty bites on their wizardly butts.'

'Ha! I pity the poor spider that got so close to a wizard's arse. Well, if they're looking for a champion....'

Blueheart rose from behind his desk, every inch a hero.

'Saddle my horse, find provisions, send word to Glorin. Oh, and mention my imminent victory to anyone you meet. Got to wind those wizards up at every opportunity. I shall find this foul fiend and destroy her!!!!'

With that, he strode from the room, in search of glory and honour. The page looked after him in awe, murmuring doubtfully, 'I do hope he changes out of his teddy bear nightshirt first.'

Proud Sir Blueheart galloped along the Great Western Road, a retinue of loyal followers at his heels, all singing his praises or sounding trumpets in his honour. At the entrance to the Tower, he dismounted and turned to them.

'I will go alone from here, my friends. Get those beers lined up for me.'

With just a word, the doors to the Tower opened silently and he strode inside. The great man's torch guttered as he crept along the damp corridors, eyes darting this way and that, ears waggling furiously as he listened for any sign of danger. After some time, he came to a battered signpost, and made out the words:

'Thys waye to the Black Widow!'

'Hmm...wonder who she is?' he muttered as he struck a match on a long-forgotten statue and continued on his way. In the heavens above, Alvogyl rolled his eyes and gently nudged his favourite in the right direction.

Dark, dark, dark. And then, an almost inaudible hiss in the blackness.

'You have come to meet your doom, great Blueheart? Prepare to writhe in agony and feel your mind twist with poison...'

A light flared and Blueheart beheld an horrific sight. Sherabas crouched in a corner, eight legs curling and uncurling around her, eyes leering malevolently. He gulped quietly.

'Sounds like a night in the Singing Sword to me. Their cocktails are frankly worse than any poison.'

The spider looked affronted.

'So, you'd play games with me, would you, knight? Very well, I challenge you to any game you care to mention.'

Sherabas sat back expectantly while Blueheart rocked on his heels, looking thoughtful. Finally he spoke:

'How about..the game where I squash the little friends I see scurrying around my feet and then run you through?'

Without pausing, he spun around several times, sword a-blur. Within seconds, Sherabas' small army of spiders was dead. Screeching defiance, she shot towards him, fangs dripping with venom, eyes hungry for his body (not the first woman to do that). And then, all Bluheart's flippancy, all his humour died away, and he became only magnificent, only heroic. Ego, style, elegance, all were fused into one as his true brilliance shone. Darting among her legs (don't even think it), lunging time and again to find the killing stroke, he danced...he was glorious.

Finally, Sherabas began to retreat, wounded and exhausted. Our hero leapt onto her chest, and aimed his Blessed Avenger at her heart, poised to kill. But at the very second his sword began to fall, a Light suffused the chamber and time stood still. Both man and spider beheld the form of Alvogyl, and were frozen in awe.

The Lord of Light shimmered, then spake thusly:

'I know you won't like this Blue, but this is one widow's heart you can't break. Deori's orders I'm afraid.'

Big Al shrugged in sympathy for his beloved knight. Blueheart stared in disbelief, and then reluctantly lowered his Avenger. 'Why?'

'Let's just say she's needed in the greater scheme of things and leave it at that eh? If it makes you feel better, you have the power to banish her for... oh...twenty years?'

Blueheart sheathed his sword, jumped back onto the ground, and glanced back at the spider, who was looking rather relieved.

'Go on - bugger off.'

The spider rolled her eyes in contempt and skittered away in the dark recesses of the corridors. Alvogyl produced two flagons of ale, and he and his beloved sat companionably among the corpses of Sherabas' army.

'I know it seems an anticlimax, Blue, but look at it this way - you obeyed your god, therefore you honour me, and yourself.'

Brave Blueheart grimaced, and then grinned at the Lord of Light.

'Tell you what, buy me another beer and we'll say no more about it'

And there was much rejoicing in both temple and guild at the banishment of Sherabas, and if Blueheart still nursed a little regret in his heart, it was tempered by the knowledge that he had honoured his god and his guild.